Zim in Wonderland
by Invader Phoenix
Summary: Zim falls down a hole in his yard into Wonderland. Can he escape before it's too late? I DON'T OWN ZIM!
1. The Robot Hole

Zim in Wonderland

CHAPTER ONE: THE ROBOT HOLE

Zim was bored.

Zim was bored because he was on planet Earth. He hated humans, and, because the planet was filled with them, he tried not to spend any more time than he needed to with them. He had no plans in his mind to destroy the humans at the moment, and therefore, he was bored.

He sat under a tree and looked around the yard. It was a beautiful morning, but the Irken could not enjoy it because of his irritation. He was irritated by a noise coming from behind the tree. He stood up in order to investigate.

Zim saw Gir and Minimoose playing with one of his security lawn gnomes. "GIR!" he shouted with anger. "HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAY WITH THE GNOMES?"

Gir ignored his question. "Look, master! I made a hole in the dirt!"

Zim walked forward. "Hole? I see no- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed as he fell through the large hole Gir had made.

Zim was falling. He fell for a very long time. After the first minute or so, he stopped screaming. He looked down. The ground was still far below him. So he crossed his arms and waited. And waited. And waited. After around a half hour he screamed "JUST LET ME HIT THE GROUND ALREADY!" at the author, who rolled her eyes.

Zim hit the ground. Hard.

The author laughed.


	2. Tweedle Keef

Zim in Wonderland

CHAPTER 2: TWEEDLE KEEF

Zim sat up. "Stupid human…" He didn't know how long he had been unconscious, but he really wanted to get his hands on that author right now…

As he stood, Zim realized that something was wrong. His clothes felt… strange. As he looked down, he realized something horrible. Humiliating. Terrifying. Dreadful.

He was wearing a dress.

His normal pink shirt had extended downward, keeping the same pattern but looking horribly embarrassing. He quickly felt his head. There was a frilly pink bow, with lots of lace and curls…

Zim stepped out of the fourth wall, hit the author on the head with a frying pan, knocked her unconscious, stopping her from writing the rest of the last paragraph.

Now back in wonderland, (ouch) Zim was confused. There was a long tunnel in front of him, with a door on the other side. This was strange. "I must find what lies on the other side." He started down the tunnel.

As he reached the tunnel's far end, he noticed a table. On it was a taco labeled "Eat me". Zim scowled. He hated tacos. He turned around and stepped through the door.

Wait, but the door in "Alice in Wonderland" was too small for Alice. Anyone else see a glitch? Well, Zim was really short, so the door was just the right size for him.

When Zim stepped through the door, he came upon a wood. He looked around. "Well, I might as well go on. There doesn't seem to be any _humans_ here. He began walking.

The forest was very dark. Yet after a few paces, it was bright and sunny. The colors of the trees and plants had changed again. A few more steps, it was snowing. Then it was raining. Zim screamed as his skin burned from the water. He ran as fast as he could until he came to a sunny, dry section of the forest. He stopped to catch his breath. As he looked around him, he noticed a figure that filled him with confusion and dread.

"Keef?"

This Keef was dressed even more ridiculously than the other humans. He wore a bright striped shirt and suspenders. He wore a beanie on his head. At the sight of Zim, he smiled with joy.

"Hiya, Zim! It's been a while, hasn't it? What are you wearing?"

Zim looked down at his unfortunate outfit. "I have no idea why I am wearing this hideous form of earth clothing. But what are you doing here?"

Keef smiled. "I came here to see you, buddy!"

Zim looked at Keef, ignoring the human's pathetic attempt at a "hug". "Yes, yes, thank you, I truly am amzing. Now tell me how to get out of here so that we will never speak to each other again." I know.

Isn't Zim a great friend?

Keef looked at the Irken. "I dunno. But after this, we can play video games! And have movie night! And go to the zoo! And eat pizza! And-"

"ENOUGH! TELL ME HOW TO GET OUT OF HERE!" Zim activated his spider-legs and screamed. "TELL ME!"

Keef was still smiling. "And then we can go to a baseball game…"

Zim cried out in frustration before simply marching ahead. Keef, in his excitement, didn't even notice.


	3. The Skool Flower Garden

**Thank you all much for reviewing! The chapters are short, sorry, they looked longer on microsoft word. Anyways, on with the twisted story!**

CHAPTER THREE: THE SKOOL FLOWER GARDEN

Zim finally made it out of the wood, only to find a flower garden ahead of him. The flowers were massive, some taller than Zim himself. It was strange. It was curious. And the author is not going to make Zim say "Curioser and curioser" because Zim has already threatened to hit her over the head with a bag of monkeys.

Zim walked into the garden, wishing he knew how to get out of Wonderland. He had already been annoyed beyond his limit by bak602 and Keef. Now what was going to beg him to be destroyed?

As he walked through the horrible earth plants, he noticed an odd sound. It sounded like the hushed whispers of stinky earth children. "Weirdo…" "Freak…" "Creep…"

Zim whirled around. "WHO DARES TO INSULT ZIM? ZIM IS SUPERIOR TO FOOLISH EARTH PLANTS!" But as he turned and got a good look at the flowers, he realized that they weren't just flowers. They all bore faces belonging to his classmates. Zim was furious to see these children whom he despised so much.

"Hey, what's with the new plant?"

"Yeah, he looks like a freak!"

"What kind of flower are you?"

Zim looked at them, his anger rising to a dangerous level. "Zim is no filthy earth stink-plant! I am ZIM!"

The child-flowers looked at each other and shook their heads. "This one's crazy." The others agreed.

"Almost as crazy as the Hat-"

"Don't mention him! I don't even like hearing his name!"

"Well, what about this one?"

"He must be a weed. After all, he's so green!"

"Get out of our garden, weed!"

The filthy stink-plants began to hurl strange blobs at Zim. As they made impact with his body, he screamed in pain. This slop felt just like the Skool cafeteria food! "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" the Irken screamed as he ran in terror. He raced through the garden, desperate to escape.

After ten long minutes of running and burning, Zim finally cleared the garden. "FILTHY EARTH PLANTS! HA! YOU CANNOT BEST ZIM!" He paid no attention to the fact that he had ran away. "Zim is superior to all of you! You are pathetic when compared to ME! ZIM!"

As he reveled in his victory, he realized that his disguise was growing uncomfortable. He reached up to remove his wig, but it was stuck to his head. The author snuck through the fourth wall. "You can't take it off until you make it out of Wonderland."

"WHY?" he shrieked.

As she crawled through the fourth wall, she shrugged. "More fun that way." Then she disappeared.

**Wow. This one was pathetically short. **


	4. The Cheshire GIR

CHAPTER FOUR: THE CHESHIRE GIR

Zim was now at the edge of another forest. This one, however, was much darker and spookier. The trees were twisted into wicked shapes, and the bushes were covered in thorns. As Zim stepped inside, he noticed that no sun penetrated the trees' cover. He walked through the darkness, wishing he knew where he was going.

"Hellooooooo…" said a voice. Zim looked around, for this voice was familiar.

"Gir?" he asked. His sudden joy at hearing the robot's voice quickly evaporated into anger. It was Gir's fault that he was stuck here, anyway! "GIR!" he screamed as he looked for the robot, but he was nowhere to be seen. "SHOW YOURSELF!"

"Okey-dokey!"

Suddenly, in a tree much larger than all the others, there appeared a small green dog. First Zim saw its mouth, then its tail, then its body. It looked just like Gir, but it was smiling through a large set of teeth. "Yeessss?" Gir asked.

"Gir! Stop smiling, you look creepy." Zim said, genuinely disgusted.

"I don't know whatchu talkin' 'bout!" the smiling dog replied. "I's the Cheshire Gir! I know eeeevrything about this place! MONKEYS!" He pulled out a stuffed monkey and hugged it with brute force.

Zim stared at the Cheshire Gir. "Okay… so, how do I, ZIM, get out of this 'Wonderland'?"

The Cheshire Gir looked at him blankly. "I dunno." He replied. Just as Zim was about to howl with rage, the dog pointed to a forked path. "Take the left if you wants to goes to the Hatter's house. He makes goooooooooodd cuppycakes! Take the right if you wanna essplore the dark and scary reaches of the forest. A monster would prob'ly eat you!" The Cheshire Gir giggled.

Zim began to head down the left path. The Cheshire Gir smiled at him through the trees as he disappeared from view.

"G'bye…"

**Okay, this was also a really short chapter, but, once again, they looked longer on Word. Maybe GIR will make up for the shortness...**


	5. Tea Party of MADNESS!

CHAPTER FIVE: TEA PARTY OF MADNESS!

ZIm walked through the trees, grumbling. The Cheshire Gir was of no use to him. He didn't even remember what the dog had said about the paths. Oh, well. Zim would find his way out on his own. Just then he heard music. Happy music. It annoyed Zim beyond all comprehension. He ran forward to find what was making that horrible sound so that he could destroy it. _Maybe I can take a break from destroying earth and destroy this hideous Wonderland…_ he thought as he ran.

He stopped when he saw a little house in the distance. This was where the music was coming from! Zim quickly moved through the bushes.

Outside the house there was a large table with many chairs. Teapots covered the whole thing. As Zim approached, he noticed a solitary figure moving along, filling up the teapots. "Hello? Filthy human? Turn of that hideous music or I'll destroy you." Zim said to the figure.

The person turned around, and Zim screamed.

It was Dib, wearing a top hat somehow massive enough to cover his giant head. He was wearing some sort of old-fashioned black coat instead of the trench, but his blue shirt still showed underneath.

Zim reared up on his spider legs. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, DIB-STINK?" he shouted.

But Dib only smiled a smile that could only be described as… mad. "Hey! You're just in time for the tea party!" he said cheerily. Dib showed Zim to a chair. Wait here! The other guests should be here at any moment!

Just then, the Cheshire Gir appeared out of thin air. "Hi!" he shouted. "Sorry I's late!"

Dib's sister, Gaz, suddenly appeared. She took one look at the party before turning around and leaving. "Not this again…" she muttered.

Zim looked around uneasily. There was his worst enemy, not even noticing him as he poured tea for the Cheshire Gir, who was saying something about gumballs and pineapples. They got along so well, it was sickening. Zim couldn't stand it. _How dare they make Zim feel so… foolish._ He thought with disgust. He couldn't bear being near the stinking Dib without there being tension between the two.

"So, Dib-beast," Zim began, an evil look in his eye. "Are you not going to try to access my latest brilliant evil plan?"

The Dib monkey stared at him, looking confused. "Who's Dib?" he asked.

Zim was confused. The Cheshire Gir spoke. "He don't remember his ol' name!" the little thing said. "Everyone calls 'm the Crazy Hatter now, cuz he be crazy! HAAAAAMMMMM!" He began jumping on his head.

Zim looked at the Hatter with curiosity. Could this really be the Dib? He was too… perky.

The Hatter was now sitting with his guest. "Hey, green kid!" he exclaimed with uncharacteristic delight. "Is today your birthday?"

Zim looked over at the Hatter. "Zim knows nothing of this 'birth-day'. What is it? TELL ME OR I WILL BLOW UP THIS PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A PARTY!"

The Hatter appeared to be thrilled. "It's not your birthday?" The other looked at his host expectantly. "HOORAY!"

The Cheshire Gir began to sing off key. "WE WISH YOU A MERRY UNBIRTHDAY, WE WISH YOU A MERRY UNBERTHDAY, WE WISH **YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU**..." He stopped to chomp on a waffle before resuming his song.

Zim held his ears as the Hatter raced to his seat, grabbed his hands, and jumped up and down with him. "WOOOO HOOOOOO!" he screamed with delight. Zim also screamed.

"GET OFF OF ME YOU FILTHY HUUUUUUMMAAAAAANNN!" HE was getting dizzy from all the spinning. His squeedly-spooch churned. And as the Hatter gave an immensely powerful spin, Zim's wig fell off.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"- Zim was suddenly caught off guard as the hatter dropped him.

He looked up at Dib, who simply looked at him in disbelief.

"I THOUGHT YOU SAID THAT THE WIG WOULD ONLY COME OFF AFTER I GOT OUT OF HERE!"

The author climbed through the fourth wall again. "I changed my mind. It won't come off again after you leave the party." She disappeared.

Zim put aside his anger long enough to look at Dib, who glanced at the wig, then at Zim, then back at the wig, then back at Zim. "A-aa-aaaaaa…" His volume was building up as he stammered. Then, like a volcano, he exploded.

"AAAAALLLIIIIIIIEEEEENNNNNNNN!"

Zim backed away, still on the ground after being dropped by the Hatter. He was blinded by something. "AAAAAHHHHHH!" He screamed as the tea burned his skin. The Hatter was on a rampage, throwing cup after cup of tea at the Irken.

"ALIEN! ALIEN! ALIENNNNNNNN!"

"AGH!" he screamed. The hatter had aimed another perfect toss of tea at Zim's face. Zim knew he couldn't take much more of this. HE grabbed his wig, stood up, and ran away.

As he ran for his life, he could still hear the Hatter's screams of fury. "Alien! Alien! Evil alien…" He hurriedly put on his wig. He tugged. He couldn't pull it off.

**Yay! This one's slightly longer! Please review! PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEEASE?**


	6. The Red Queen

CHAPTER SIX: THE RED QUEEN

Zim finally began to slow down. He quickly caught his breath. He'd been running a long time, yet he still wasn't out of the twisted wood. At least his skin had stopped smoking. "Stupid human Crazy Hatter…" he muttered. The whole ordeal was disgusting; the encounters with Keef and the child-flowers, the unhelpfulness of the Cheshire Gir, and the sheer madness of Dib at the tea party.

Zim marched forward, determined to get out of this filthy Wonderland and back to his mission. He tried again in vain to pull his wig off. He at least tried to pull off the hideous bow, but that, too, was stuck. Oh, well. He could still keep his dignity. He walked on.

"Heeeeyyy, mister! Whatchu doin'?"

Zim whirled around to see the Cheshire Gir perched in a tree, holding a cupcake. He was making quitew a mess of

Zim smacked his head. Noticing a fork in the trail, he headed down a path.

"Waiiiit…" the Cheshire Gir began. "There's sumthin' bad down that road…"

"What is it?"

"I dunno!" The doggie said with a smile. Zim turned away irritably and walked down the path.

The forest continued, and Zim was wondering how long this landscape would go on. But before long, he came out of the trees onto a long, broad path. Ahead he could see a grand palace. _This must be where the ruler of this horrible Wonderland resides,_ he thought. _I'll destroy them and make my way out of here. _He smiled to himself at the thought of destroying something. Perhaps he could even destroy the entire realm. That would certainly make the day worth it. Besides, he could record it and show it all to the Tallest. The very idea made him race to the palace, picking up the skirt of his ghastly dress as he ran.

He entered the courtyard of the castle. Looking around he saw many rosebushes with unusually large thorns. The castle ahead was elegant, red accents giving the place a war-ready glow. Signs posted around the courtyard garden read "OBEY THE RED QUEEN".

Zim walked through and saw several guards tending a set of croquet mallets. They were all SIR units! As the Irken staggered back, shocked, he bumped into a figure behind him.

"T-t-TAK?"

The female alien was clothed in an elegant red dress covered in hearts. Except the hearts were all cruelly torn in two. Her usually purple eyes glowed an unnatural red, but the familiar malice in them was unmistakable. This was Tak, and she was queen of Wonderland!

She glared at him. "You have five seconds to explain who you are and why you're here." Her tone was rushed, like anger about to be released.

"FOOLISH TAK!" Zim shouted. "I AM ZIM! And I'm not here because I want to be here. My SIR unit is the reason why I'm here. I just want to GET OUT!"

Tak stared at hm, obviously annoyed with all the yelling. "I am not called 'Tak' by anyone," she began. "I am the Red Queen, and I rule over Wonderland with an iron fist. And if you want to escape, 'Zim', you're going to have to go through me."

Zim looked at the Queen in defiance. "Easy task. NO ONE CAN BEST ZIM!"

Tak looked down. "Says the guy in a dress."

"Uh, yes, well, this is, er, part of an evil plan to, uh, cripple your pathetic Wonderland?"

The Queen shoved a strange object into Zim's hand. "We'll play croquet. If you win, you can leave. But if I win, it's OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!" Zim didn't look worried. "AND YOUR PAK, TOO!" Zim's eyes lit up with terror.

Zim looked at the mallet Tak had given him as she dragged him to the croquet field. It was long and made of a rare Vortian metal. He'd never seen anything like it before.

The Queen dropped Zim to the ground. "The rules are simple. You just have to hit the ball through the hoops and hit the peg in the center." She grabbed a striped ball and prepared to strike. Looking at Zim, she said, "I go first. I'm the Queen." She aimed with precision, and she held the mallet above her head. She swung…

And hit Zim over the head.

Twelve minutes later, Zim regained consciousness. He looked up to see Queen Tak gazing down at him with triumph.

"You were unconscious for your turn, so I got you a substitute." She pointed. Following her hand, Zim saw the Cheshire Gir swallowing a croquet mallet. Zim smacked his head.

"Anyway, I won," the Queen said. She smiled viciously. "Now, I believe we had a deal. You lost, so… OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!"


	7. The Escape DUNDUNDAAAN!

**And so our story comes to an end with a short escape chapter! Finish it to look at the SUPRISE ENDING! Please review. I love gettin' feedback like a waffle... a waffle... Aw, just review it.**

CHAPTER SEVEN: THE ESCAPE

Two SIR units grabbed Zim's arms and dragged him to a guillotine. Shoving him inside, he looked to see the Red Queen holding an axe, about to cut the rope that would send the sheet of metal crashing down. He could hear a horrible sound. Coming closer. And closer. Growing louder.

He squeezed his eyes shut as Tak raised the axe.

"AAAAALLLLIIIIEEEENNNN!"

The Hatter appeared out of nowhere and rammed into Tak. "Agh!" she shrieked as she fell to the floor. The axe flew out of her hand. The Hatter was running around, frantically pointing at Zim. "ALIEN! HE'S AN ALIEN! AAALLLLIIIEEENNNN!"

Zim slid out of his restraints. HE looked at the maniacal Dib-Hatter and, for once, was almost grateful for the human's accusations. As the insane boy ran around the courtyard, Zim ran out of the area toward the castle.

As he approached, Zim noticed a door, the land beyond swirling with color. He could feel in his squeedly-spooch that this was the exit. His "heart" leaped with thrill at the thought of escaping. But wait- he had to destroy this vile place still.

"Hey, alien! Come back!" Zim whirled around to see the Crazy Hatter running toward him, holding the Cheshire Gir like a weapon. Queen Tak followed.

"AAAAAHHHHHH!" Zim screamed.

"GET BACK HERE!" yelled the Hatter.

"OFF WITH YOUR HEADS!" screeched the Red Queen.

"AHHHHHH!"

"ALIEN!"

"OFF WITH YOUR HEADS!"

"AAAHHHHHH!"  
>"ALIEN!"<br>"HEADS!"

"TACCCOOOOOSSSSS!" shouted the Cheshire Gir, still smiling.

Zim leaped through the doorway, just barely avoiding the Queen's axe and the eggs that the Hatter shot out of the Cheshire Gir's mouth. His entire body tingled as he shot out of a large hole in the ground.

Looking around, Zim saw that he was back in his front yard. Gir and Minimoose were still playing. Gir looked over at his master and said cheerily: "Hi, master!"

Zim sighed with relief. It was all over. He was finally out of that horrible Wonderland. He looked through his window at the clock. "AAHH!" he shouted. He began running out the door. "I'm late for the horrible school!"

Zim walked into the room in the middle of Ms. Bitters' lecture about explosions. "Zim," the teacher bagan, looking at him with fury. "I expect you are going to tell me why you are so horribly late."

"Ah, I'm late for, uh, a perfectly normal reason, like, I, er, overslept! Yes, I slept too long. Yes." Zim hurried toward his desk.

It was when the lunch bell rang when Dib approached him. He looked strangely confused.

"Yes, Dib-beast, what do you want?"

Dib gave a small smirk as he responded. "Zim, why are you wearing a dress?"

THE END


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